Serenity

I have so much grief pent up inside me. I feel as if I must be strong for maybe one to many people. I have no where to go visit her. No grave site, no memorial bench, tree or garden. I feel that maybe if we had a headstone or some sort of memorial then maybe I could get through this process better.

I've been thinking alot lately about looking into a headstone for Serenity. Something sweet and simple, just as she was. Something that simply states:

Serenity Grace Dirghalli
Born & Passed on
March 11, 2011
2:46 am  - 2:50 am

In our hearts forever.
Mommy & Daddy will
always love you &
never forget you


Sweet and simple. The more I think about this idea the better it sounds to me. If I just had somewhere to go. Some sort of acknowledgment that she was someone. That I am not just grieving a dream or a thought. Something to let the world know that my baby girl was here, even if just briefly. I haven't brought this idea up to Justin yet but I have a wonderful feeling he would go along with it. Even if he didn't want to he would do it for me. He would understand that I need something somewhere showing that she exist. I so desperately need something.

I spent the day with my baby sister today. Schools out so we enjoyed our time together. We walked up to the store and got a drink then walked across the street to the cemetery where our great aunt & uncle is buried. After we located their grave sites, with a beautiful headstone btw, we walked around looking at other sites. Yes some will say this is morbid but I think it's nice to walk around and wonder what these peoples lives must have been like. As we were walking we also picked up some of the fallen flowers, gifts, and flags that the wind has recently knocked down. One of the sites that Shel fixed was that of an infants. I almost started crying. Shel had made a comment about how she thought sometimes the parents just forgot about their lost children because some of the sites looked like they had not been visited in a while. Old flowers and treasures and such. I told her No baby you never forget. It eventually gets easier to remember and be at peace but you will never forget. Then I told her about my idea for a headstone for Serenity. She agrees that it's a great idea. She thinks it will help everyone if there could be a place for us to go to see Serenity.

I think I will soon be looking into what it takes to inter just a headstone in the cemetery. We never had a chance for a funeral because we donated Serenity's body to the pathology department. With hopes that one day there is a cure. Or a method of prevention besides taking folic acid constantly.