wow so looking for a house is a pain in the rump! We've looked and looked and looked some more. It seems like at this point we'll never find anything we can agree on. on the upside we now we can get a loan for up to 100,000. Thats enough for a house and a decent wedding. Although at this point it seems like we will never be married. Here lately it seems like all we do is fight and argue. I miss the days when we barely bickered. now it seems like daily there is some sort of argument, and over the pettiest of things! I love him to death but I wish we could get back to us. Back to that ... feeling we used to have, to the way we used to be. I can not wait until we are able to finally say I DO but it seems like that day will never come. as much as we fight why would we get married. at least thats how he put it to me. I remember when we used to be able to finish each others sentences and now it seems like were not even on the same wave lengths.
It all comes back to losing Serenity. We never had problems like this until after we lost her. Its like we cant seem to get through losing her. like its always right there and no matter what we do it wont get better. I know it will one day but what if that day doesnt come soon enough and we end things never knowing what could have been. I miss the love we had. i miss the realtionship we had. i know we will never get back to that exact point. weve been through way to much to be the people we once were. god do i miss him though. i miss his laugh his smile his humor. i miss the comfort and ease we had with each other. right now it seems like were always on edge and ready to rip each others throats out. idk.
im hoping that as we continue to look for a house and continue to work on our realtionship things will get better for us. lord knows they cant get worse then what weve already been through. well it could but that possibility includes death and im not willing to think about that. i love him to death and cant imagine life without him.
i am starting to ramble and jump from topic to topic. im going to bed. all this rain is making me drowsy.
It all comes back to losing Serenity. We never had problems like this until after we lost her. Its like we cant seem to get through losing her. like its always right there and no matter what we do it wont get better. I know it will one day but what if that day doesnt come soon enough and we end things never knowing what could have been. I miss the love we had. i miss the realtionship we had. i know we will never get back to that exact point. weve been through way to much to be the people we once were. god do i miss him though. i miss his laugh his smile his humor. i miss the comfort and ease we had with each other. right now it seems like were always on edge and ready to rip each others throats out. idk.
im hoping that as we continue to look for a house and continue to work on our realtionship things will get better for us. lord knows they cant get worse then what weve already been through. well it could but that possibility includes death and im not willing to think about that. i love him to death and cant imagine life without him.
i am starting to ramble and jump from topic to topic. im going to bed. all this rain is making me drowsy.
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