It is coming up on the one year anniversary, March 11. I am dreading this day. But it all started before then really. On February 28, 2011 we found out there was a reason for concern. We had to wait until March 9th to find out that Serenity had Acrania and that she would not be coming home with us ... ever. We cried, we screamed, we begged and pleaded with God but no matter what, it didn't change what was happening. It is still so hard. I miss her everyday and will for the rest of my life. We have found a group called Compassionate Friends that has been amazing. This month was our second meting. Our first meeting (in january), I walked in and felt this amazing feeling of peace wash over me. Finally I have found a place where people understand. Everyone in the group has lost a child due to something. None have had a loss like us but they still understand the pain of losing a child.
It really is a hard time for me right now to talk about any of what happened. I have days where I am happy and then feel guilty because I feel like I shouldn't be. I know Serenity would want me to be, and it helps but not enough some days. The next few weeks are going to be hard. I am still in so much pain and hate talking to Justin about it because I feel bad for making him upset with me. It causes us problems because I won't talk to him. I know I need to. It would help tremendously if I would. But it still hurts to.
I think we are going to release balloons again this time but maybe in a different location. We went to the beach on August 4 (her due date) and some of the balloons popped from the tall grass. It was sad but refreshing at the same time. I hope this year it brings me peace again. I hope I don't stay in bed all day and shut everyone out.
I can't wait til I get a car, then I can go to the meeting myself and maybe open up some more. I feel uncomfotable with him there, again its because I feel bad for making him upset. God I miss her!
It really is a hard time for me right now to talk about any of what happened. I have days where I am happy and then feel guilty because I feel like I shouldn't be. I know Serenity would want me to be, and it helps but not enough some days. The next few weeks are going to be hard. I am still in so much pain and hate talking to Justin about it because I feel bad for making him upset with me. It causes us problems because I won't talk to him. I know I need to. It would help tremendously if I would. But it still hurts to.
I think we are going to release balloons again this time but maybe in a different location. We went to the beach on August 4 (her due date) and some of the balloons popped from the tall grass. It was sad but refreshing at the same time. I hope this year it brings me peace again. I hope I don't stay in bed all day and shut everyone out.
I can't wait til I get a car, then I can go to the meeting myself and maybe open up some more. I feel uncomfotable with him there, again its because I feel bad for making him upset. God I miss her!
Mommy loves you Serenity Grace
